CollectEd
by KND-Operative
Summary: Double D, along with the other Eds, starts his very own trading card game! But is there a dark secret hidden behind these seemingly innocent cards? Nope! Please gimme idea for last chapter!
1. The cards are made

Collect-Ed-bles  
  
KND Operative: Here's an idea that I'm kind of surprised nobody thought of/wrote about first. What if the Eds were to create a trading card game? And what if it was Double D's scam! Excited? Confused?  
  
Ed: Onion skins?  
  
KND Operative: ...Right...anyway, read away! Hope you enjoy!  
  
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"Step right up, folks!" Eddy shouted, gesturing at his latest scam. The kids stood nonplussed, looking at the banners that said assorted phases, such as "The best choice!" and "Takes no effort to raise!" and looking at boxes, overturned, with rocks on them. Ed stood nearby with a rock in hand, trying to make it drink from a baby bottle.  
  
"If you are to grow up to be a traffic light, then you will have to drink your baby food," he told it.  
  
Edd stood nearby, holding a rock as well and grinning nervously at the kids. "This is so degrading," he mumbled to himself.  
  
"Ever want a pet, but didn't want to waste time raising it yourself?" Eddy shouted. "Well, we've decided to solve your problems! Come on down to Ed's Rocks-R-Us to pick up your very own lovable pet rock! Just look at how much fun these guys are having!"  
  
"...Pet rocks?" Kevin said, looking over the latest scam with glazed eyes. "This is seriously the best you dorks could come up with?"  
  
"Can you three get any stupider?" Sarah said to herself.  
  
"You need to come up with something better, dudes," Nazz said as everyone started to wander away.  
  
"Wait, come back! This is a steal!" Eddy said. No response. "Oh, come on!"  
  
"A steal?" Ed said. "Do not try to steal Elizabeth from me!" With that, he took 'Elizabeth' and started to run in circles around the pet rock store.  
  
"Well, Eddy, it seems that another of our ideas have gone down the drain," Edd said, walking over to Eddy.  
  
"I don't get it!" Eddy said. "This was a triple A, platinum scam! Why didn't they fall for it?!?!"  
  
"Well Eddy, the idea for a pet rock was once a popular fad, and, while it was a successful fad, it quickly became unpopular in a matter of years. Not to mention, we are using rocks that someone could easily pick up in the dump, as we did. Also-"  
  
"WILL YOU SHUT UP, DOUBLE D?!?!" Eddy screamed. "What is it with you? You haven't come up with a single scam, but you always complain about mine! What's the matter? Can't come up with one?"  
  
"Eddy, I-"  
  
"Really, I thought you were the smart one! Maybe that's just a front. Maybe you're not smart enough to think of one!" As if on cue, Ed tripped and slid over to Edd and Eddy.  
  
"The danger has been averted! There, there Elizabeth."  
  
Edd stood angrily, staring at Eddy until he finally burst out, "Fine! If that's what you think, then I shall create a scam far superior to all of you failures, Eddy!" With that, he began to walk toward his house to plan.  
  
"Oh, I terrified," Eddy called after him. "Double D's gonna out-scam me! What am I to do?" He fell to the ground laughing.  
  
"Fly, rock, fly!" Ed said, throwing the rock into the air. He tried to catch it but missed. "Oops."  
  
"Yeow!" said Eddy as the rock hit his head.  
  
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1 hour later...  
  
Ed and Eddy (now complete with Band-Aid) walked up to Double D's house, and Eddy rang the doorbell. Edd opened the door, looking triumphant. Eddy smirked.  
  
"What's with you? Did you finally come up with the ultimate scam?" he asked mockingly.  
  
"I believe I have, Eddy. Please follow me."  
  
"I love oven mitts," Ed said.  
  
"...That's nice Ed," Double D said, walking into his kitchen, Eddy and Ed in tow.  
  
"Well?" Eddy said, looking around the room and finding nothing interesting, while Ed started to walk over to the fridge.  
  
"Here's the idea, Eddy," Double D said, reaching into his pocket. "Think what it would like if all the kids in the cul-de-sac," he said, whipping his hand out, "had their very own monsters!" Eddy looked and saw that Double D was holding a crudely drawn picture of what looked like a turtle/lion. He stared at it for a second and laughed.  
  
"Man, Double D, you're slipping! We already tried that with Ed and wound up hiding under my bed for two weeks!"  
  
"Correct, Eddy. But that's not precisely what I meant. I was thinking more along the lines of starting our very own trading card game!"  
  
Eddy was nonplussed. "A trading card game?"  
  
"Eddy, trading cards have proven in recent years to be a very profitable market. Why, just think of what it would be like, when-" but Edd was cut off as Ed walked over, carrying an open fridge.  
  
"Double D, where do you keep the bacon fat," he asked as food fell all over the floor.  
  
"ED! What are you doing?!" Double D screamed, turning his attention to Ed. Eddy picked up the piece of cardboard and looked at it, while Double D lectured Ed about his lack of good judgment.  
  
"-and should therefore be left inside the refrigerator. Do you understand, Ed?"  
  
"...Absolutely not, Double D!"  
  
"...Lovable oaf..."  
  
"Double D," Eddy said slowly, "this scam has got to be the GREATEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD OF! YOU'RE A GENIUS!"  
  
Double D was taken aback. "Goodness...th-thank you, Eddy!"  
  
"I knew that I was rubbing off on you!" Eddy continued, walking into the living room."  
  
Double D sighed and followed. "Oh, why to I even bother?"  
  
"Gravy!"  
  
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Double D, what the heck is that?" Eddy said. He was sitting in the living room, staring at Double D's latest creation.  
  
"It's a fire breathing-"  
  
"It looks like a lump of hair!"  
  
That caused Edd to get a bit angry. "Well then, Eddy, why don't you show me how to draw a better monster?"  
  
"No sweat," Eddy said. He took the paper and drew a monster even worse than Double D's.  
  
"Wow, Eddy, that is so good!" Ed said.  
  
"Thank you, Ed."  
  
"I never knew you could draw the Blob-Thing from 'I Was a Baby's Scribble' part four!" Edd snickered at this and Eddy's face went red. "My turn!" Ed shouted, grabbing the paper and pencil from Eddy's hands. He started to quickly draw a monster and finished in about 2 seconds. "I dub thee-" but before Ed could finish, Eddy yanked away the picture.  
  
"Let me see that!" He looked, and saw an amazing drawing of a monster. "Ed...this is great! How did you...? When did you...?"  
  
"It seems that Ed's frequent viewing of monster movies has had an affect on his subconscious. Very good, Ed!" Double D said.  
  
"What do I win?" Ed asked.  
  
"You win the chance to make five hundred more monsters!" Eddy said, handing Ed a stack of cardboard.  
  
"YAY!" Ed said, and was about to start when Edd stopped him.  
  
"One moment, Ed. First, you must listen to the types of monsters I need you to draw, not to mention the information that needs to go on them," he said, pulling out a list of monsters on toilet paper.  
  
"Prepare to meet your meat, um...makers of monster meat! Yum!"  
  
"...Right," Edd said. "First..."  
  
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An amount of time later...  
  
"Hey Double D, are we through yet?" Eddy asked, looking away from the TV.  
  
"Almost, Eddy. And finally, Ed, draw one of the "Platinum Jawbreaker.""  
  
"Platinum Jawbreaker?" Eddy asked. "Why do we have a card of a jawbreaker?"  
  
"Eddy, this will be the strongest card that we produce. In addition, there shall only be one. All the kids shall continue to buy, hoping against all hope, that they shall come across this one of a kind card. Of course, we won't release it until-oh, thank you, Ed," Double D said, taking card.  
  
"Come again!"  
  
"Now where was-"  
  
"Hey Sockhead," Eddy said, "let me see that card!"  
  
"Certainly, Eddy."  
  
Eddy read the card. " 'The Platinum Jawbreaker. Many warriors in the universe, all hoping that they will covet the greatest force ever, seek after this source of power.' Attack and defense...I've got a better idea," he said, ripping the card up.  
  
"EDDY!" Double D screamed. "Why in heaven's name did you do that?!?!?!"  
  
"Don't you get it, Double D!? If nobody ever finds the jawbreaker thing, they'll keep on buying from us! We'll have millions of jawbreakers buy the time we get to high school!"  
  
"Eddy, I'm not sure that-"  
  
"It's settled, then! Eddy's-"  
  
"Don't you mean Double D's?"  
  
Eddy sighed. "Fine. Double D's House of Cards-"  
  
"Don't you mean coleslaw?" Ed asked  
  
Eddy growled. "Oh, just forget it!" With that, he grabbed the stack of cards and walked off, the other Eds behind him.  
  
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What do you think? Will the Eds finally be successful? Will the Platinum Jawbreaker fiasco be discovered? Will Ed finally get a brain? Will I ever stop asking questions? Only if you read, review, and stay tuned for part two! 


	2. The cards are sold

Hello! It's amazing, but I'm actually not dead! Evil schoolwork... ANYway, here's part two! Oh, but first... DISCLAIMER- I don't, won't, didn't own EEnE. Enjoy!  
  
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"La dee la dee da da, la dee da dee..." sang Jonny, as he skipped along merrily with his buddy Plank, blissfully unawake of his surroundings. He was trying to figure out why part of his tapioca collection was mysteriously vanishing every time he saw a mouse in his room, so it wasn't surprising that he tripped over a rock. "Ow," he said, turning to look at the rock. "Boy, Plank, that thing came out of no-" he stopped and picked up something that was leaning on the rock. A card, of course.  
  
"Maku the Kamikaze Milkman?" he said, looking at the card, which had a picture of a blue man holding milk bottles with fuses coming out of them. "Right on! We have to show everyone this card Plank! What's that, Plank?" he asked, holding Plank to his ear. "Oh, no, I'm gonna beat you this time!" With, that he ran to the lane.  
  
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"Gee Sarah," Jimmy said, "I think that pink is really more your color, don't you?"  
  
Sarah looked at her nails, "I think you're right Jimmy! I-" But she was cut off as Johnny ran by, stomping accidentally on Jimmy's hand.  
  
"Owie! Owie! My hand!" he whimpered, clutching his hand.  
  
Sarah growled and pulled Johnny back. "Jonny, you idiot! Look what you did to Jimmy!"  
  
Johnny, oblivious as always, said, "Hey guys, look at this card I found!" He showed it to Sarah, who promptly grabbed it and threw it as far as she could. "Hey," he shouted, running to get the card back. When he found it, however, he saw a trail of the same card leading farther into the lane.  
  
"Hey everyone!" he shouted back into the lane. "Come look at this!" With that, the rest of the kids came reluctantly towards Jonny.  
  
"What is it this time, Jonny?" Kevin sighed. "An army of mayonnaise jars?"  
  
Jonny giggled. "No, silly, they're still planning their invasion. Me and Plank just wanted to show you all these cards."  
  
"Lemme see that," Kevin said. He expected it to be a scribble made by Jonny, but soon saw it wasn't. "Hey, this ain't half bad. Did you draw this?"  
  
"Nope! Plank and me found it. And there's a trail of them over there!" he said, pointing to the trail, made up of the same card.  
  
"Oh, brother," Sarah said. "I bet I know where this is going." She turned around and started to leave. "Come on, Jimmy, let's-"  
  
"Come on, Sarah! You're going the wrong way!" Jimmy said, running in the other direction.  
  
"Jimmy! What do you think you're doing! It's a scam!" she shouted, pulling Jimmy back over to her.  
  
"But Sarah, just look at these cards! The drawings are post-modernistic, and the undertones are magnificent!" (A/N: Just random words that sounded artistic at the time...) He put on his best brave face. "I must know the artist!" With that, he ran with Sarah behind him and Jonny following.  
  
"Come on, Kevin!" Nazz said excitedly. "These cards are cool!"  
  
"Uh...s-sure!" Kevin stuttered. "Coming Rolf?  
  
"No thank you, Kevin. Rolf has had a tragic experience with these-these cards when he first arrived in this country. It twists Rolf's gallbladder just to think of the experience!" Rolf said, suddenly twitching. "And now they have returned for the rest of Rolf! I must away!!!" He ran home as fast as his feet could carry him.  
  
"...I've gotta meet some normal people." Kevin said, following Nazz.  
  
The gang finally reached the end of the trail, and looked at a wooden stand. And the three boys behind it.  
  
"Welcome, one and all to Double D's house of cards!" Eddy shouted, gesturing to the stand behind his. Double D grinned nervously and waved. Ed was nearby, having a staring contest with a frog. He was losing.  
  
"I have cornered the Bulging Cheek Man, Eddy, but he has paralyzed my eyeballs and wants to eat my organs!"  
  
Eddy rolled his eyes and continued. "Everybody loves cards, and you're no exception. But why settle for some third rate crud when you could have the deal of a lifetime! For a measly 50 cents, you can become the ultimate trading card master! With your purchase comes 6 cards," he held up 6 cards, with the backs facing the kids, "an instruction thing," he held out a booklet containing the instructions on how to battle and whatnot, "and the chance to win the strongest card there is, the super rare, only-one- like-it-in-the-world PLATINUM JAWBREAKER CARD! So step right-" but Eddy didn't get a chance to finish, since the kids trampled him to get to the stand. Edd shrieked and dived under the table, while Ed continued his contest.  
  
The kids finished their exchanges and dashed off with their cards.  
  
"Success can be a painful thing," Double D said, slowly getting up.  
  
"Holy..." started Eddy, running over to the stand and grabbing the overflowing jar. "There has to be at least ten bucks here!" he drooled.  
  
"Evil alien, you will never obtain my-grass!" Ed shouted, forgetting the frog. He started to pull the grass up and throw it into the air. "It is raining green, Eddy!"  
  
"You've got that right, Ed," Eddy smirked.  
  
"Well, Eddy, I daresay our endeavor has turned out to be quite rewarding!" Double D said.  
  
"Yeah...I think..."  
  
"Well then, shall we journey to the candy store and-"  
  
"Whoa whoa whoa, Double D! What do you mean we? You've got to stay here in case any more customers come by!"  
  
"Am I a customer?" Ed asked.  
  
"Shut up, Ed." Eddy snapped.  
  
"Excuse me?! Eddy, I deserve a share in our profits, considering that-"  
  
"Don't worry, Double D," Eddy said, walking away. "Ed and I will bring you something back!"  
  
"I shall make sure it is bubbling with freshness!" Ed shouted back to his friend.  
  
When Ed and Eddy were gone, Double D sighed. "So much for the joys of being in charge."  
  
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"Ain't it beautiful, Ed?" Eddy said on his way to the candy store.  
  
"Yes, it is," Ed said, looking at a mailbox.  
  
"All the kids have fallen for our scam!" he said, gesturing to Jimmy and Sarah, who were trading, Jonny and Kevin, who were battling, and Nazz, who was watching. And we've got jawbreaker money! Life is good."  
  
"Ah-hah!" said a voice nearby. Eddy turned around to see Rolf with a sausage around his neck.  
  
"Hiyah, Rolf!" Ed yelled.  
  
"Hey, Stretch! What with the saus-"  
  
"Listen to me, two-for-the-price-of-one Ed-boy!" Rolf said, yanking Eddy up by his collar. "You have brought the winds are impending doom upon yourself! If you do not stop the production of these-these cards, then you shall doom us all!"  
  
"WHAT are you talking about, Rolf?" Eddy asked.  
  
"Do not interrupt, Ed-boy!" he screamed, dropping Eddy. "Many years ago, Rolf to partook of the card-collecting pastime! He was promised that these cards would bring him much wealth to buy fancy-pants things. But before he could acquire such objects, all of his cards became this thing you call worthless! Rolf lost all of his savings then...and if you, Short-minded and Short-boned Ed-Boys, wish for this to happen again, then you shall invoke the wrath of Rolf!!!" Rolf then ran away.  
  
"Eddy, do you think Rolf will share his sausage?" Ed asked.  
  
"Zip it, Ed," Eddy said, still watching Rolf. 'What the heck was that all about?' he thought to himself.  
  
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End file.
